The Inner Cost of Success

A client of mine once wrote a brief summary of her research. It was a well-written document, so she received praise from her manager, and the paper was put to good use for a team project. It wasn’t a Ph.D. thesis or grant-worthy research; it was just a casual piece of work – the kind you hand in and forget. Nothing much to talk about, right?

But as her coach, I knew that just a couple of weeks before, she had been agonizing over this summary. She was convinced that her manager expected much deeper research than she was capable of. She respected the manager for his mastery and expertise and was afraid to see the disappointment on his face. Everyone on the team saw the great job my client had accomplished; only she and I knew how many hours of procrastination that job had cost her and how much effort she had put into overcoming the fear.  I helped her to come up with an anti-procrastination strategy, but it was she who won the inner battle.

I am so honored and beyond grateful to witness the other side of my clients’ successes:

…I ask a client how his presentation went yesterday. He casually replies that it went well – no issues to discuss. But I remember – and can remind him – that just ten presentations ago, he wasn’t sure he had it in him.

…Another client can’t choose between two job offers in her new career. I tell her that it’s a good problem to have. Just two months ago, she was seriously considering pursuing another master’s degree because she didn’t feel ready to enter the job market.

I don’t think we need to show this side to everyone. My client’s manager didn’t have to know about the inner struggle. It allowed the manager to focus on his job (that is, setting goals and assigning tasks), while my client and I did ours – came up with strategies to overcome the struggle. This is what coaches, therapists, and other helping practitioners are for. (And moms, according to my kid. Although, I am not sure I juggle mom’s and coach’s hats all that well.)

I also believe that appreciating the cost of your inner transformation is such a useful skill to have! I am trying to practice it in my daily life. For example, today, I did a 10-minute stretching workout. Ten minutes may not seem like a big deal; one won’t do a full split by stretching for just 10 minutes a day. But it is a pretty decent accomplishment for someone who was planning to skip it altogether. So yay me 🙂

What about you? What small wins have you had today that seem bigger on the inside than on the outside?